Attitude of Gratitude
The attitude of gratitude, in my experience, is like the tide. It can sometimes waver. It needs to be tended like your garden. Lately, I’ve been reflecting on many things and feeling grateful for decisions and choices I’ve made along the way. As a mother I realized very early on (like before my first child was even earthside) that being a parent puts you in the place of making very important decisions for your child. This can be intensely overwhelming, it is for me at least. With this I quickly saw and I often feel that my choice may ‘go against the grain’ of the mainstream. Even more complicated and intense. Family and professionals have strong opinions and recommendations for what they advise but many times I felt strongly that my path, in particular situations, was that of a different way. Let me say it has not always been easy for me/us to make those decisions. To choose the road less traveled so to speak. It is not taken lightly or without very intentional thought, emotion and even loads of research in many cases. I’ve had my gut and my intuition guide me in regards to medical decisions facing dire circumstances in my own mother’s health. Note the fact that me not being medically inclined in the slightest, those moments were tough as hell. I am grateful to be able to say that the two very particular situations I am referring to in regards to my mother worked out the way I had hoped or even felt. My intuition did not lead me astray. I am grateful that I am going through this journey of Life with a man who believes in the same way that I do and regardless of our beliefs his support can feel like a super power sometimes.
I am also grateful to have the support of my sisters, even if they don’t always understand right off hand, they trust and they dig deeper with me.
I am immensely grateful that after fifteen years of motherhood my three littles are vibrant and healthy and have been from the beginning. We have our battles. My baby boy was born with a congenital cataract that we made the grueling choice not to surgically remove when he was a few weeks old. We’ve had odd ailments like total wtf moments. There have been occasions where they’ve been sick to the point of me having a panic attack but nothing more than the common cold, rash, cough or stomach bug. I am grateful they’ve never taken antibiotics or prescription meds.
Though I’ve taken prescription meds to handle the intense anxiety I’ve survived over the years. Shit can feel wildly fearful as a mother or a human for that matter. I know this first hand. Being a mama that chooses natural remedies before much else and doing things my own way, maybe going against what the pros recommend, has its overwhelming place. It’s worked for us and I know there is that element that is greater than us guiding me along my way. The simplest choice of not cutting my boys hair can sometimes feel like a societal battleground. Honestly, that feels much less like a choice but it is still a choice nonetheless. As I reflect on choices we have made over the years on this journey I am grateful for our strength to follow and trust what we believe in. It ain’t easy y’all but it’s important. It’s intense out there. Tune into YOU and that that is greater than all of us. Make your own choices. Often times it requires work to figure out, to get to the bottom of. To your core. Choices look very different for all of us. This does not just regard decisions we make about about our children. Tune into You when choosing relationships or employment, for example. Those monumental moments we all face. The choice to sit back or rise up. Trust in yourself. We are all different, in big + small ways. Our authenticity is needed at the surface to maneuver this wild ride.
It all begins with the power of choice. “No one is you and that is your power.”
With love,
Mama J
